Create a Foundation of Security

Before starting to get closer to someone else, evaluate whether you have a general “foundation of security” that will enable you both to have a stronger bond. Researchers have found 5 key elements of secure relationships:

  • Consistency – do we drift in and out of each other’s lives on a whim
  • Availability – how available am I/them to spend time together?
  • Reliability – can we count on each other if one of us needs something?
  • Responsiveness – do we reply to each other’s emails and texts? Do we hear from each other consistently?
  • Predictability – can we count on each other to respond in a consistent way when we need something?

If you relationship is missing 1 or more of these elements, don’t fret! That is just where you may want to start to build up the relationship.

Look at Them & Give Them Your Full Attention

Empathize by making eye contact with the other person and observing their expressions & body language.
Also, try to give them your full attention by listening and not jumping to problem-solving. This can help you better empathize with their experience & connect more.

Be Your Authentic Self

This isn’t easy, but by accepting your imperfection and that of others, you’re on your way to creating stronger bonds. Admit that you’re having trouble getting all of your laundry done, or that you can only fall asleep if the latest cringey reality show is playing.

Take Your Friends on a "Test Drive"

Ask for help even when you don’t need it so that when you really need them, you’ll have a better sense of how they’ll respond. Having a minor work issue or a car problem? Lean on your friend and see how they respond.

Source: NYTimes